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What if the ground never stops moving and yet your soul finds a steadier place to stand? That’s the tension Lara Silverman lives with every day as a Stanford-trained attorney turned bestselling author and musician whose rare neurological condition keeps the world spinning even while she’s still. We sit down with Lara to explore how chronic illness, career loss, and the death of her husband became the crucible where faith deepened, identity shifted, and joy returned in surprising forms.
Lara shares the origin of her suffering—an abrupt collapse two weeks into her dream role as a federal prosecutor—and the decade-long journey that followed: misdiagnoses, hospitalizations, and years bedridden. She opens up about the bedside visits from a church acquaintance newly battling terminal cancer, the theology of suffering he brought with him, and the love that grew between them against all odds. Their marriage, brief and beautiful, reframed blessing, exposed the hollowness of achievement-based worth, and reoriented Lara around a gospel that trades prosperity promises for a cross-shaped hope.
This conversation moves beyond platitudes. We wrestle with the why behind suffering, how Scripture becomes a lifeline, and what it really means to hold eternity in view when the present is full of loss. Lara also reveals the creative paths that helped her heal—recording jazz from the edge of her bed, producing an original song about missing “normal,” and crafting viral Armenian comedy skits that helped her community laugh again. She discusses writing her memoir as a love story forged in trial, and a field guide for anyone navigating grief, disability, or chronic pain.
If you’ve ever wondered where God is in the dark, how to find purpose when plans shatter, or how joy can coexist with tears, Lara’s story offers honest answers and hard-won hope. Listen, share with someone who needs strength today, and if this conversation serves you, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: where are you finding your footing right now?
Lara’s books and links
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Lara+Silverman
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My Book
Amazon Book Overcomer
https://bit.ly/4h7NGIP
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Thank You for Listening, I hope you enjoyed this episode and that it encouraged you. Please like, share, and leave a review.
00:00 - Introducing Lara Silverman
03:11 - Sudden Illness And Diagnosis Odyssey
07:03 - Wrestling With God In The Valley
09:01 - Salvation Roots And Armenian Heritage
11:01 - Love, Cancer, And A Bedside Theology
15:53 - Why We Ask Why
18:36 - Comedy, Music, And Joy In Grief
21:06 - Identity After Losing A Career
23:38 - Living With Eternity In View
25:35 - Writing The Book Of Suffering And Hope
27:38 - The Song “Normal” And Creative Healing
29:38 - Final Encouragement And Closing
WEBVTT
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Hello everyone, thank you again for joining me on another episode of the Dorsey Us show.
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Today we have a special guest with us.
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Her name is Lara Silverman.
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She is a best selling Christian author, player, singer, and comedic actress.
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She holds a JD from Stanford Law School and a BA in both economics and political science from UC Berkeley, where she was one of six finalists for the University Medal, Barkley's highest academic distinction before f falling seriously ill eighteen.
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Larry worked for two federal judges and practiced high state litigation for three years for the Arnold and Parker Reporter case scholar LOP, where she specialized in intellectual property, antitrust, and contract cases of all kinds.
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In 2023, Lara co-founded The Silverman Show, a defective comedy comedy, music and theology show, and released her debut pop album as her own music producer in February 2024.
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In September 2024, she debuted as Mrs.
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Series in her solo American comedy show online and making upwards of 300,000 views on individual videos on social media.
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Larry's writing has been featured in various respected Christian blocks where her reflection on face, suffering, and grace has encouraged readers across diverse audiences.
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Even though she remains mostly dead reading today, she anchors her unwavering hope in God.
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She has published singing through fire in August 2025, which is now Amazon's number one best seller.
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Lyra, thank you so much for coming on the show today.
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Thanks so much, Dorsey.
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It's just such an honor to be here with you today.
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Absolutely.
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And as we as we discussed a little bit beforehand, you were telling me about your disability that you have, and I even mentioned that you, you know, are mostly big writing now, and you know, you stu the issue starting in 2018.
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Tell us a little bit about that issue, about your disability.
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Yeah, thank you so much.
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So I uh basically I was about to start my dream job as a federal prosecutor.
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I'm actually a lawyer, and I had trained, you know, went to law school, and this was my dream job.
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But on the second week of the job, I fell mysteriously ill with this rare neurological condition.
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And the bottom line is I, you know, at the at the beginning we tried, you know, so many different treatments, and I had to take a leave from the office.
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And unfortunately, nothing really worked, and we weren't sure what's going on.
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You know, the doctors gave me a million diagnoses, but you know, at the end of that 10 months, it became clear that nothing is shifting.
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And so just to be clear, my disability has to do with the connection between my ear and my brain.
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And so you can't tell right now, or the audience can't tell to the extent there's a video on this.
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But basically the world is spinning all around me right now, even though I'm seated up and it's exceedingly uncomfortable.
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And so, as you can imagine, it causes me nausea, I mean, exhaustion, fatigue, pain.
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I mean, it's just so it's very, very uncomfortable to be seated up.
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So basically, the last eight years, I have been essentially bedridden to different degrees.
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I mean, the first four years of the illness, I was strictly bedridden on that bed with my mother nursing me on, you know, I mean, literally on a bedpan.
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Um, and because the it was so severe, I was hospitalized twice, you know, Stanford, UCSF, you name it.
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And we even consulted British experts.
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And basically the minute I sat up, the world just spun harder and I couldn't, it was just, it was so painful.
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And today, eight years in, you know, there came a point, you know, where three years into the bed where I started to try walking again.
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But every time I sit up, even to this day, the world is still spinning.
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But at least now my body is able a little more to kind of tell where I am in space.
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Like I have pretty good balance now.
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But it's been an absolute nightmare and a very long journey of walking with the Lord and asking all the typical questions.
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Why?
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You know, why, Lord?
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You know, why am I going through this intense valley?
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And I lost my legal career, and that was, you know, I was a very driven, you know, person.
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So it's been very fascinating to see, you know, that's one way to put it, to see how God has led me through this very difficult path.
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And yet the whole time he's been with me, and I'm sure we can discuss that.
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Really?
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Well, what was your faith like, you know, did were you a Christian growing up?
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You know, when did you get saved?
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Sure, yeah.
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I was saved when I was, I think, a seven years old.
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It was in Sunday school.
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So I was very lucky to be raised in a Christian home.
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My grandfather was a pastor in Syria in the Middle East, you know, before my family immigrated over.
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So, you know, solid, you know, biblical grounding.
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But I would say that, and I would say that I never really had much exposure to suffering as a kid.
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Even in my teens and, you know, through college, you know, it was very much I was chasing my career goals for, you know, I mean, until I hit 30 and started this job, and that's when everything went downhill.
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So I'm 38 now.
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So this last eight years has been really when my faith has been just excruciatingly test.
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Hadi Hadi, um, now you said you you went to you were in hungry school when you got saved, and when you, you know, when you were younger, you got you were in hungry school.
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So was I mean, being from Syria, your family must have been probably Muslim or Islam?
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Oh no, no.
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Um, so I'm Armenian, and so yeah, Armenia was the first Christian nation.
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So I'm lucky we no, my family is Christian.
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My grandfather was a Christian evangelical pastor in the Middle East.
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So the Armenian community where he was in the Middle East was a pocket of Christianity.
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So no, I was raised in the Christian faith.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Your story full of profound suffering and chronic illness, along with the loss of your husband in a clock promising legal career, what was the moment you first felt God blessing in min in the middle of all that pre all that pain?
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Absolutely.
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So, you know, just to give the audience some clarity on the husband issue, what happened was, you know, four years into this illness, I was just in a very low spiritual state.
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I mean, I was bitter against the Lord.
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I was questioning everything.
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I was just at the end of my rope, and the Lord brought this man into my life.
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And he was an acquaintance from church from years back.
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And, you know, we were always just, you know, again, very casual.
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And he calls my mom and says, I'd like to visit your daughter.
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The whole church is praying for it's been four years.
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Someone needs to encourage, you know, this person.
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Can I come visit her?
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So he comes and he visits me while I'm laying on that bed in pajamas and he gives me a theology of suffering, like a solid biblical, you know, theology of why the Lord allows adversity.
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And long and short of it is through the first maybe eight visits, I cannot explain it to you, Dorsey, but it was obviously from the Lord because we basically just fell in love.
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I mean, it was like the most weird circumstance you could fall in love, but he cracks a joke, you crack a joke.
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I mean, it was, but there's a plot twist.
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And the plot twist is that Matt, my husband, was had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer himself.
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So he was visiting me with his chemo pump attached, and he's giving me a theology of suffering, encouraging me when he's the one who's terminal, you know.
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And and so it was this beautiful thing where God brought us together in our mutual grief, you know, as we're both suffering, if that makes sense.
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And Matt radically changed my theology, helped me understood and understand biblical principles on why the Lord even allows his children to suffer.
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And long story short, we felt called to get married, and we did a year later, which was a whole other conversation because it was extremely difficult for me to get in cars.
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Every time I enter cars, my brain spins harder.
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But I walked down that aisle and, you know, the Lord gave me miraculous grace.
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And then a year after our wedding, he passed away.
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And so I wanted to give a framework for, you know, when you said you lost your husband as well.
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So the last eight years, it's kind of been like a Job-like journey, if you will, you know, of losing my health, then my career, then my husband.
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And it came to a point where I was like, Lord, I can't do the give and take away thing anymore.
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You know, I'm just, I feel, but I have to say, your question was about feeling God's presence.
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And I'm telling you, like, even with all my anger and doubts and wrestling with God, because I'm a fighter, like I'm ashamed to say I definitely did not submit to the Lord's will in a Christ-like fashion.
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You know, I definitely have wrestled with him nonstop on why is this your will?
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You know, these sorts of questions, which I know you've, you know, dealt with as well.
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But but God has been with me the whole time, which has just surprised me so much.
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Like, you know, Psalm 34, which says the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.
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It is absolutely, you know it, I know it.
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It is so true.
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He speaks, he whispers, he with the verses, coincidental devotionals, just the ways he has snuck into my heart have been nothing short of miraculous.
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Like I feel like we're having a conversation on a daily basis.
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And I never felt God's presence like this before I was suffering.
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So it's a blessing in that sense.
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You know, many of us who are, you know, I don't want to say sufferers, I can say overcomers have realized that that's the beauty, right?
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Of being in the fire is he really does throw himself in, I mean, his spirit lives in us.
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So anyway, I talked too long.
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No, you're fine.
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You know, you mentioned about the first time that you, you know, were in the bed and this man came to speak to you and he's talking to you about suffering.
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Like giving you whole, you know, theology of suffering and why God allows suffering.
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What what were you thinking at that moment during that time where you were like, get out of here?
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Why are you telling me about this God who's who's you know, who's talking to me, who, you know, you're talking to me about this God and what that allows suffering, and here I am in this bed, bedding and can't move.
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Yeah.
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I mean, and this was at a point where if I didn't start moving again, I was going to die because I had lost 36 pounds.
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My mom couldn't really take care of me anymore.
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I mean, she was so exhausted.
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We were three years into the bed and I had not moved.
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Like we're talking, you know, I mean, again, I was hospitalized.
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I mean, the whole thing.
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You have to read my memoir, but it's basically I the reason that I didn't lash out at Matt was because God had been with me.
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Now, in other words, I had been angry at the Lord, you know, sort of up and down in these waves, and then he would sustain me and draw near.
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So it was always this tug, you know, pull, you know, what is, you know, tug and war with the Lord.
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And because I was still in that functional relationship with the Lord, he had not let me go.
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Because of that, I still was able to receive Matt's word, if that makes sense.
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I feel like if I had cut God off or if he had let me go, which God did not let me go, then I would be in a space of, you know, why should I listen to this God who because I felt like he wasn't answering my prayers because he wasn't, and I was angry for him for not doing so, but I I couldn't get angry at him abandoning me because he hadn't abandoned me.
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So that's the mystery of the suffering.
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It's like he is sovereign and he is allowing this for some purpose, but he shows us that he loves us because he's still with us in it.
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So it's wild, yeah.
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How did your faith evolve during your career transition and health sounds?
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How did your faith evolve during your career transition and health yellings?
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Yeah.
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I mean, basically, it was 10 months into the illness, and I had to resign because I was getting worse.
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I mean, the U.S.
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Attorney's Office, it's the federal prosecutor's office.
00:13:06.079 --> 00:13:09.120
I mean, this was like a big deal in legal circles for me anyway.
00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:12.000
And I, they, they had given me a leave for 10 months.
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They said, you know what, we'll go take your time, try to heal from this thing.
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But after 10 months, my family and I were like, we're just getting worse.
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Like our daughter's health is getting worse.
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So I prayed and prayed.
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And I asked, I mean, I asked the Lord, like, I don't understand you.
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Opened this door to my dream job.
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Now it seems like you're closing it.
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It was confusing, kind of like, you know, I mean, God, it's kind of like he called Abraham to leave his homeland.
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Like, I don't know.
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God asks us to surrender and do confusing things sometimes.
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And one theme that the Lord gave me at that time in 2018 was trusting me amidst confusion.
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And my faith, because he had kind of prepared me on that principle, this idea of, look, move blindly.
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I mean, even Elizabeth Elliott wrote in suffering is not for nothing.
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I think she said something like, you know, the Lord has led me through so many strange paths where I thought this was his will, but it ended up being here.
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I mean, so my faith really went from, you know, Lord, you know, I mean, like a how do I explain this?
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I think my faith went from like a transactional, if the Lord loves you, he will bless you.
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The good career, the husband, the kids, the whatever, you know, he'll bless you in an earthly sense.
00:14:19.199 --> 00:14:38.159
But from there, after all these different losses, like now you're looking at me eight years in, where I now realize that actually the blessing, blessed are those who are persecuted, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are, I mean, Jesus' kingdom, as you know, is very much upside down, which we I think struggle with because we're very earthly and fleshly.
00:14:38.319 --> 00:14:46.799
And and the what's the verse it says the foolishness of man is, or no, God's foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom, or well, you know which verse I'm talking about.
00:14:47.199 --> 00:14:47.519
Yeah.
00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:56.799
In other words, but the question was, you know, I very much idolized, you know, career and these sorts of buckets and felt like if God loves you, he will bless you.
00:14:56.879 --> 00:14:59.039
But boy, was that bad theology.
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And that's why the prosperity gospel, you know, which unfortunately misleads a lot of people, is obviously false.
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You know, we follow a take up your cross gospel, you know, not a take up your spot a gospel, you know what I mean?
00:15:10.559 --> 00:15:24.159
So You know, we all, you know, you mentioned it several times already about, you know, why do we suffer, you know, and and even myself, you know, I asked, you know, I've asked God why, you know, this or why that, why did this have to happen?
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You know, why do you think that is?
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Why do you think we have that why, you know, mentality?
00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:37.679
You know, it's I think it's a combination of lack of faith, but not to blame us because the Lord knows we are dust.
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And frankly, it is hard to surrender to his will.
00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:42.959
I mean, it's just difficult when it's when it's difficult.
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You know, we are humans, we're flesh, we're, you know, we're we're not divine and we don't know his eternal purposes.
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I think so it I don't want to blame everyone because there's probably a lot of hurting people out there maybe listening to this.
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And, you know, I'm hurting too.
00:15:56.719 --> 00:15:58.240
You know, I've lost a lot, right?
00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:06.639
But I it's not so much maybe our lack of faith, but the fact that it's hard to have faith when you don't see the Lord's sovereign purposes, right?
00:16:06.719 --> 00:16:14.000
Like we are told that the Lord is good and he is, but then there's this, there's this sort of um, what's the word?
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It's incompatible with the evil we see in the world, right?
00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:22.799
Like, so we're holding this up and saying, okay, his ways are perfect, all the ways of the Lord are just and perfect.
00:16:22.959 --> 00:16:28.159
But then on the other hand, we're we know in history there have been genocides, the Armenian genocide, the Holocaust.
00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:32.159
I mean, I mean, we lit look disability, I mean, children born blind.
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:40.319
I mean, just if you think about all of that, it's hard for humanity to trust in an infinite God's ways and purposes.
00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:43.759
And this is why Isaiah 55 tells us his ways are higher than our ways.
00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:51.439
And I have to cling to that every day when Satan sort of whispers to me that God is not good or God is, do you know what I'm saying?
00:16:51.679 --> 00:16:51.919
Right.
00:16:52.079 --> 00:16:59.199
I think God understands that, but we ask the why questions because we just, it's hard to be humble.
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:06.640
Job, even Job at the beginning, you know, he he laid bare and said, the Lord has taken away and, you know, the Lord gave and the Lord take took away.
00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:16.160
But after his suffering kept going, if you read the account, you know, with the boils on his body and the, you know, I mean, he started breaking down emotionally as well.
00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:21.680
And so I think now he never cursed God, but he did sort of curse himself in a sense.
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He wanted to die.
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So we are human.
00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:26.720
I think asking why is very natural.
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:33.839
And I will tell you as a testimony that the Lord has honored, I mean, he has just been so patient with me.
00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:42.480
I just never expected that he would be patient with me, even with all my unsavory reactions, you know, his will for my life.
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I'll leave it at that.
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He has just graced me with his grace over and over again.
00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:56.799
And I never realized how much forgiveness I need, you know, which sounds pompous, but until I was suffering, you know, being raised in a Christian home, I'm the goody two shoes Christian girl.
00:17:56.879 --> 00:17:57.599
What do I need?
00:17:57.839 --> 00:17:58.240
Right?
00:17:58.399 --> 00:18:05.759
But then when you start, you know, realizing the gravity of your sin, you go, okay, get off your high horse.
00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:06.960
Who do you think you were?
00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:13.200
And so I ironically, my suffering has also exposed myself to the gravity of my own sin.
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:13.759
Yeah.
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:19.920
Now you can, and I read in your bio that you did some comedic acting.
00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:20.639
Yeah.
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:24.799
Tell us a little bit about that and you know what that looked like.
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:25.359
Sure.
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:31.119
So basically, after my husband died, I felt a call from the Lord, like it was very clear.
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He said, you know, take this, or I want you to have joy in your grief.
00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:41.759
And that was very much the theme of the last eight years that the Lord has really impressed upon me.
00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:45.920
This idea of, as Christians, we are called to have joy in grief, right?
00:18:46.079 --> 00:18:47.839
Paul says, sorrowful but rejoicing.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:51.039
Paul and Silas are worshiping while they're shackled, right?
00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:51.759
In prison.
00:18:51.920 --> 00:18:58.000
So it's this idea of can you have joy in Christ, even if your life is falling apart around you?
00:18:58.159 --> 00:19:02.000
And not only does God ask us to do that, we are called to do that.
00:19:02.159 --> 00:19:03.920
I mean, it's it's almost like a command.
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It's give thanks in every circumstance, which frankly I have botched along the way.
00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:09.279
And I'm very ashamed to say it.
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:14.399
You know, I have to repent of that because I have to be honest, you know, because what's the point in lying?
00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:18.480
Like, I'm so ashamed that I have not had gratitude for my thorn.
00:19:18.639 --> 00:19:26.240
And that's something that's been very convicting lately of like, okay, you know, you're going through it, but can you actually praise me for this?
00:19:26.399 --> 00:19:36.159
But to get back to the question, the question was so the comedian, so after Matt died, when the Lord, you know, sort of nudged my spirit on that, I thought, okay, how can I find joy?
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:44.720
And for me, you know, we had started the YouTube Silverman show while we were married just as an avenue for because Matt loved giving sermons.
00:19:44.799 --> 00:19:49.039
He was a lay preacher, he was also an engineering PhD, but he also preached.
00:19:49.279 --> 00:19:56.480
And so we started this Silverman show to give his sermons on suffering because Matt just because he also had had cancer as a kid.
00:19:56.639 --> 00:19:58.159
So this was his second cancer.
00:19:58.240 --> 00:19:59.759
So he had suffered a lot.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:03.920
But basically, we put up his sermons, we put up my jazz songs.
00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:08.000
You know, I love singing jazz, I love playing violin, I love comedy.
00:20:08.159 --> 00:20:12.480
So we started this Silverman show while we were married just to give ourselves joy.
00:20:12.559 --> 00:20:21.440
You know, I would sit up, record a song, spin harder, then I would slam back down on the bed, and then I would try editing it, you know, just for half an hour as much as my brain could tolerate.
00:20:21.599 --> 00:20:30.079
But after Matt died, I started doing these Armenian comedy clips because I'm living with my parents and we're Armenian and I needed desperately to laugh.
00:20:30.240 --> 00:20:36.159
And my dad's very funny, and I I love, I mean, I'm not gonna say I'm very funny, but I love comedy.
00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:41.440
I I grew up doing musicals like think my fair lady in Oklahoma and all the, you know.
00:20:41.599 --> 00:20:48.319
And so basically I started this Armenian comedy channel on Instagram and Facebook, and it kind of took off.
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:50.240
And it's given me so much joy.
00:20:50.399 --> 00:20:54.879
I sit up, I I record a skit for, you know, maybe a minute, and then I lay back down.
00:20:55.039 --> 00:20:59.839
And all these Armenians on Instagram have really enjoyed, you know, sort of cultural comedy.
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