Why Loving Your Kids Isn’t Enough — The Key Is Being a Father-Friend

Authentic Manhood And Irreplaceable Dads

SPEAKER_01 0:00

And um I I really believe that we need to return to what authentic manhood looks like because our culture has talked so much about toxic masculinity that we forgot that being a man is actually a good thing and that being a man is unique. Being a father is unique from being a mother. Both are needed, but being a dad is really irreplaceable.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Welcome to the Dorsey Ross Show, where real faith meets real stories. Hosted by Dorsey Ross. Here we share encouraging and inspiring stories. And today we're diving into another incredible testimony of overcoming trials and experiencing the faithfulness of God. Whether you're facing your own battles or just need some encouragement, you're in the right place. So let's get started. Because your story matters, and God's grace is bigger than any obstacle.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Hello everyone, thank you again for joining us on another episode of the Dorset. So today's guest

Meet Dr Mike Ayers And Father Friend

SPEAKER_02 1:05

is on a mission to help busy dad build a strong, trusting relationship with their kids. Dr. Mike Kyle Ayers is the founder of Father Friend. He has a PhD holder with research and identity information for children and adolescents. And a former pastor with over 25 years of ministry experience alongside families. As a dad of three, he created the father-friendly model to help men balance authority with affection, legal purpose, and show up with presence. His practical regret free post helping fathers move from overwhelm to confident. That Mike, thank you so much for coming on the show today.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Thank you, Dorsey. I'm really happy to be here with you.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

So tell us a little bit more about yourself and you know what you do.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yeah, you know, um I I'm an author. I've written for years. I wrote a leadership book back in 2018. I have a blog. I've been writing for a long time. I'm a professor at a college here in North Texas. I've taught business administration for over 20 years, leadership and management. My background is leadership. I have a PhD in organizational leadership. My dissertation work researched the relationship between identity in children and adolescence, identity formation in children and adolescence, and its connection to leadership, which proved very helpful for me in raising my own three kids. So yeah, I'm I'm an author. I'm I love to speak about fatherhood and parenthood. I'm a professor, but my favorite title is dad. And I'm a father of three young adult children, three amazing children. I've got three grandchildren and two more on the way. So I've I've run the full marathon race of fatherhood. And so what I hope to do is share perspective from the finish line for dads, because as you well know, fathers need encouragement. Fatherhood is often minimized in our culture. Dads seem to be replaceable, but they're truly irreplaceable. They're needed. And so all these years of experience, all my research, all the trials and testings in the trenches of fatherhood is what I bring to this resource that I call father friend.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Mentioned about the identity

Identity Formation And Dad Influence

SPEAKER_02 3:45

in young adolescents and young teens to leadership. Can you expound on that a little bit? Because I I work with youth, you know, youth in the youth group that I or the circle that I help out at. I work in the youth group, and I'm I'm wondering a little bit just a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Yeah, so I'd be happy to talk about that. My research interviewed leaders, leaders of organizations, and I investigated their identity processes. So it was a mixed method research project that correlated effective practices of leadership with identity development in adolescence. And Eric Erickson, of course, is the famous psychologist who even coined the phrase identity crisis. And he found that children and adolescents, even into maybe the young 20s, go through a process of discovering who they are. And that process involves knowing who they are, liking who they are, and then being secure in who they are. Some children go through that process pretty smoothly, others do not. And what I found is that leaders have a huge impact upon helping shape the identity of young people, positive role models. And of course, as we talk about dads, we're talking about strong, loving men who can help be a steady anchor to teenagers when they're going through that identity crisis phase. And there are points points of influence, the character that this leader has, the skills and communication that this leader brings, the kind of love and empathy that the leader, the father, the man, the parent, whoever it is, brings to uh this teenager who's not there to direct, but more to guide. And I call it the phase of dads being the steady anchor. And they move now during that time of adolescence from helping their kids learn to trust them to them in turn learning to trust their children and empower their children and help their children grow up. So it's a dynamic process. And you remember what it was like to be a teenager. It's a crazy time. It's been a few years for me, but it's a crazy time of life. And leaders and of course fathers play a very important role in that process.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

It's been several years for me as well, you know. So you grew up with a grew up without a healthy model of fatherhood. How did that shape the kind of dad you were determined to become?

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Yeah, that's a great question. To be fair to my father, he was never abusive physically, emotionally, or any other way toward me and my brothers, but he was absent and he was an alcoholic, and so there was a lot of chaos. I have moments in my childhood where I remember my mother and father fighting. I remember one instance where my father pinned my mother's head to the kitchen table after she poured coffee in his face. So it was a crazy chaotic

Chaos At Home And An Absent Father

SPEAKER_01 6:55

time. We had children's protective services come and take us away for an evening. I remember them showing up drunk at one of my baseball games when I was in the ninth grade. So my story sadly is not uncommon. There are people who maybe haven't been through as traumatic experiences that I have. Some have been through even more traumatic experiences than I have. But I was fortunate to really have two things in my life that made a difference. First of all, I began visiting a church when I was 17 years old, had never attended church before in my life. And I went to church with some friends of mine from high school because there were pretty girls there in the youth group. And so uh I went there and I met this youth pastor, and one night he shared his story, and his background was very similar to mine, and he talked about the difference that Christ had made in his life. And so I listened to that and I watched him for a few weeks. And one night he gave me a ride home and he shared with me for the very first time the gospel of Jesus. And I heard the fact that God loved me, that he was not out to get me, but that he loved me, even so much so that he would send his son to die for me. So that night I went upstairs, got on my knees, and I asked Christ to come into my life, forgive me of my sin, and lead me from that point on. It was a dramatic change in my life that really began a whole process of healing for me in relationship to my parents, which is another story because God has done amazing things in relationship to me and my parents. But the second thing that really made a difference, Dorsey, was this man who was this youth pastor, became my mentor, became my best friend. And so he invited me into his life and I would go over to his house. You work with young people, you know how important it is to have these kinds of role models. I had never seen what a loving father looked like. But I went over to his house and we would piddle in the garage or we would pull weeds in the backyard and I'd have dinner with his family. And this whole time I was watching him and learning from him, seeing him love and lead his children. And he mentored me in what it meant to be a good, loving father. That made a huge difference. So through my relationship with God, through him, and through years of development, of finding healing from some of the trauma of my past, to go into counseling, to uh being around other men and joining in community, those things made the difference for me to give to my children what I didn't receive myself. I never heard my parents tell me that they loved me. Never once did they say that to me. After I became a believer, the day I left for college, I looked them in the eye and told them that I loved them. And it began a process of healing and relationship with them that was quite amazing. But I've told my children I love them probably thousands of times. And so, as is true when you have the power of God at work in your life and when you have the power of community with other men and role models, there can be dramatic change and the cycle can be broken. I talk with men all the time who come from difficult backgrounds, but they are having the courage to break the cycle and pass down to their children something much better than they received.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

What advice? You know, like you're saying, the cycles and the bad experiences and you know, the trauma that they've gone that they go through, that way they can break the cycle and not pass it down to their kids. What advice would you give to the fathers that are listening that, you know, may have had past experiences or bad experiences?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Yeah, I, you know, I write about this in detail in my book, but I believe the first act of good fatherhood is self-awareness. And I think many of us who come from backgrounds, and by the way, you don't have to come from a broken background to develop flaws in your life or unhealthy patterns of fathering. All of us are influenced by the culture, and all of us have, you know, misunderstandings about about what identity is and what uh achievement is and what's most important in life. So everyone, whether they've come from a good home or a bad home, everyone brings into parenthood um certain flaws that can develop over time and end up hurting your family. So the biggest thing to me was I I think the problem is that once I became a Christian, I was forgiven of my sin, but I was naive with respect to the kind of healing that needed to take place over my life and over time and how God would lead that. So I didn't really become self-aware, Dorsey, until I was probably in my mid-30s. And I remember the experience because I was holding my five-year-old son on my lap, and I was going through some struggles in my life, in my work, in my marriage, and um in a problem of self-condemnation that I had. And I remember holding my son and just began weeping. And I thought to myself, something is going on with me. I need to get some help. So for the first time, I went to a counselor and I said, I told this counselor about that experience. I said, Man, I I just felt this deep love for my son. And I began crying. I said, I don't know why I did that. And the counselor looked at me in a puzzled way and said, You don't know why you did that? And I shook my head and said, No. And he said, You were giving to your son everything that you never received. And it was a very simple connection, but it was one that I did not make. And so for the first time, I became self-aware of some of the dynamics in my life that had led to some of the issues that I was struggling with internally. And I think most dads and most men, we get really busy with work and building a career and parenting, almost to the point where we become a fugitive from ourselves and we don't really look at ourselves in the way that we need to, and to ask ourselves the hard questions, what is going on in me and what am I passing down to my children? If we can become self-aware dads, self-aware men, I think we have then the ability. That's not the end of it, but that's where it starts. It starts with brutal honesty about yourself. And then once you go there, as difficult as that is, that's the starting point for something that is truly remarkable as far as healing is concerned, and not passing down to your children what you may have inherited yourself.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

You shouldn't fatherhood is too important to guess on to guess your way through. But most dads are doing exactly that. Why is that and what is the cause?

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Yeah, such a great question. You've got you've got great questions. And I've been on other podcasts that didn't have those kinds of insightful questions, so I appreciate that. Uh yeah, I think dads, it's not a problem of dads not loving their children. I think fathers overall love their children. The question is, will you love your child intentionally? And there's a big difference because loving a child and being a good father really are two different things. It takes more than love, it takes wisdom, it takes a plan, it takes a model, and um, it takes a framework by which to understand. So, what I've tried to outline in my resources and in my book is first of all a clear purpose for fatherhood. Most dads are fathers without really understanding what the purpose of being a dad is in the first place. So I've tried to outline that purpose of being a father-friend. Joining those two words together, when we think of father, most of the time we think of established authority and title. And then when we think of friend, we often think of buddy or pal. But I've tried to combine those two words together as uh a concept that will guide dads into being the kinds of dads their kids need. Because here's what's true, Dorsey, is that as fathers, we tend to give our children what we're comfortable giving, right? Or what they want. But being a good father does not mean I give my children what they want or give my children

Self-Awareness And The Healing Work

SPEAKER_01 15:35

what I'm comfortable giving. It means that I give my children what they need. Because here's what's true. In our culture, we have dads who are comfortable leading and comfortable having authority, but are not comfortable loving and being tender. Or we have the other extreme: dads who are very comfortable being their child's friend and buddy and pal, but not very comfortable with leading, directing them, and exercising authority in a way that is responsible. And you've seen both. I'm sure I've seen both. I've seen passive dads who do nothing when their kids are acting crazy or rebellious teenagers and they're in the background doing nothing. Or I've seen heavy-handed fathers rule and control their children without any kind of connection or tenderness. And when we have authority without affection, we can create resentment in our kids. And if we have affection without authority, we can really create rebellion where there's no respect for authority. So it shouldn't be such a revolutionary idea, but sadly it is, because we have dads who tend to lean on one side of that spectrum or the other. What I've tried to describe in my book is a balance between authority and affection, between correction and connection, between strength and tenderness. And then I've outlined a model for what that looks like at each stage of a child's life. That that's what I think is most important for men is for them to clearly understand a purpose and then to have a model, a framework, a map by which to walk out that purpose in real life in the different stages of fatherhood, because children need different things at different stages.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

I mean, I'm sure you've heard it as well where people say, well, fathers where parents can't be a friend to their children. They can only be a parent. But you're saying you you it seems like you have a b you want to have a balance of the two. What would you say to those that are saying, well, you can't be a friend, you have to be a parent.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah, I get it. And I've had dads say that to me. Well, I'm not supposed to be a friend to my child. I'm their father. I'm not their friend. And I get that, I totally get that. But I'm not I'm not telling them not to be their father, I'm telling them to be their father friend and not just their friend, but their father friend. So I don't think that being a father friend in the way that I'm describing it negates the authority of a father. I think it enhances it, I think it strengthens it, and it roots that authority in credibility, which is one of the most important things. So when you think about this, when when a father who has the right to lead because of his title also earns the right to lead because of his affection and trust that he builds, man, then you have a powerful combination where you can impact and influence your children. So I have had men tell me that very thing, and I think what they're thinking is I I want them to be their child's buddy, their pal. I'm not talking about the abdication of authority. I'm talking about expanding it and rooting it in relationships so that authority is not just title, but in the end, it's also trust. And that's the way that we influence our children.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

When did you realize love and good intentions weren't enough?

SPEAKER_01 19:13

I experienced that myself. When I went into fatherhood, I realized pretty quickly that I was just winging it. You know, I loved my kids. There was no doubt about that. I deeply loved my kids. But as my kids grew, I began to see that I wasn't being effective. I was more comfortable on that directing end of things and that controlling end and that correcting end of things. And so I thought being a dad meant, hey, that's what I do. Direct, I tell, you know, I get my kids to behave properly and lead them. That's the way that I father. But I began to understand that doing that and that alone was not effective because my kids at times felt overwhelmed. I think they felt micromanaged. And so I began to self-reflect and say, okay, well, what am I producing in my children? Because I don't I don't want this with them. I want I want something differently. So I began to read as much as I could about fatherhood. And of course, I was studying leadership at the time, and that was very helpful in understanding how influence as a father works. And of course, as a pastor, I was in multitude of conversations with parents and counseling sessions with parents who were overwhelmed and who were dealing with out-of-control toddlers or rebellious teenagers or special needs children, those kinds of things. And so I was learning a lot in the process. And it was out of that that I began to develop. This was actually probably 10 to 15 years ago, I began to think about this framework of being a father friend. That's when I began to father with intention. That made a big, big difference. I I certainly wasn't a perfect father. I mean, there are many moments I would love to take back and redo, but it was certainly helpful. And that's how the change happened with me.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

How did growing up now? I mean, your father was in the picture, but how did growing up without a father being involved in your life rewrite your picture of God?

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Wow. Yeah. So I found in God, I had this void of fatherhood, obviously, and there was a sense of shame that I felt in relationship because I looked at other teenagers and they had things that I didn't have. And so there was this sense of shame and self-condemnation. And I carried that into adulthood and certainly into fatherhood. Once I became a believer, it really did radically make a difference in my life in the sense of understanding that there was this thing called a father who was a father in heaven who loved me and who cared for me and who wanted to father me well. So as I began attending church, as I began having community with other dads, as I began reading the scripture, I began to understand the kind kind of God that our Father in heaven is and how he was different from the Father that I experienced, because the word father to me back then carried a lot of baggage, right? It meant distant, it meant uninvolved, it meant even a form of violence, not toward me, but toward my mother, chaos, well, I found in the Heavenly Father something that looked totally different than that. And so over time I saw him not as just father, but as father and friend. Of course Jesus said, I don't call you slaves, I call you friends. And so there was a father in heaven who wanted to have a relationship with me, a personal relationship with me. And that made a big difference. And I began to learn about the authority that Fat that the Father in heaven had, but how he expressed that authority with love and good intentions, that he had commands and guidelines that he wanted for my life, but those were given not out of control, but those were given for my best interests so that I would have a good and healthy life. Those are loving commands that liberate. They don't, you know, imprison us. So his authority became something that I began to see and it made a difference. And so the stuff that I put in my book on my resource, it's not that I've got it all figured out. It's just that I was fathered well by the Father in heaven and the things that I learned in that relationship are the things that I've tried to pass on.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Now before we before we started today you brought up the fact that you have a book coming out in September. Tell us about that book and what the book is about Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

So the book is called Father Friend. The subtitle is How

Authority Rooted In Affection

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Intentional Dads Lean In, Lead Well, and Love Big at Every Phase. And so the book really accomplishes three things. First of all it shares in detail the purpose of the father friend. It gives the purpose and offers the purpose to dads to be the father friend, finding again that balance between affection and authority between strength and tenderness between connection and correction. And then after that purpose I provide a four stage model. That model shares the stages of fatherhood and shares exactly what role a father should play as a father friend in each stage of a child's life. So that four stage model first of all begins with ages birth through six the father is to be the strong protector his primary role is leadership and establishing leadership of his kids. It's not leadership void of love, but it is leadership. The second stage is the stage that I call the confidence builder stage. And that's the ages between seven and twelve this is this is the period of time when dads have the most influence on their kids, believe it or not, um zero to six birth to six children tend to move more toward their mother but what the research says is that between ages seven and twelve they tend to move toward their father if that father is engaged in their lives. And so this is the strike zone, the sweet spot for fathers when they can coach their kids and the goal here is to be that confidence builder. They play the role of the coach and that doesn't mean sports necessarily it can mean sports but it means coaching them in life so that by the end of that phase their children have a sense of competence in some things that they've discovered a little bit about who they are and they have a sense of confidence in who they're becoming and that's what the confidence builder stage is all about between seven and twelve. Between 13 and 20 the ages of 13 and 20 I've described that the father's role is the steady anchor. In the turbulence and the chaos of adolescence a father there is to provide steadiness and stability and security and there's a marked change between a father directing a child and guiding the child now as a teenager. And so he takes the role he moves from the role of leader to coach to now mentor. He's the mentor of this teenager walking beside the teenager not over the teenager but beside the teenager seeking to empower that teenager to understand and affirm themselves in their identity and then to prepare them for adult life and that's the steady anchor stage. And then the final stage is ages 21 and up as kids are finishing college getting out on their own with their first job, marrying having a family that is called the faithful friend stage and the father becomes that friend at that stage. And if you've laid the groundwork well you get to enjoy the rewards of all that work which is the stage that I'm in right now with my young adult children. It's a great stage it's a stage of grandparenting it's a seeing them adulting and seeing them have experiences now. And so that's the progression that's the four stage model. So I've outlined the in the book I've outlined the purpose I've outlined this the model but then finally the second half of the book are the competencies needed in order to live out that model. Those competencies are self-awareness, affirmation, leadership, integrity, courage, discipline, and sacrifice. Those seven competencies are the ones that I've done I've identified that are essential qualities in order for men to be the dads that they need to be and to live out this model of being a father friend. So self-awareness is the first one they choose to parent from wisdom not wounds. Affirmation they build unshakable worth in their children. Leadership they influence through through servant leadership they understand servant authority. Integrity they earn trust by modeling the message courage they raise world changers, instill courage in their children to take risk and to make a difference in the world. And then discipline they provide brave boundaries and then finally sacrifice they embody authentic manhood. Seven competencies are unique to men, unique to dads and um I I really believe that we need to return to what authentic manhood looks like because our culture has talked so much about toxic masculinity that we forgot that being a man is actually a good thing and that being a man is unique. Being a father is unique from being a mother both are needed but being a dad is really irreplaceable so these competencies outline what a father looks like that might be a little bit more unique than what we see in in a mom's love and and leadership. So that's the book what hard moment with your kid first exposed your un exam you're examined for Wow so what first event well I think the first event was that moment with my five year old when he was sitting on my lap when I just began weeping uncontrollably. I mean that that thing told me that something was wrong. But as I began to look more closely at my life Dorsey I began to see that I was bringing into my leadership of my church the need to prove myself the need for me to prove myself to others to prove myself maybe even to myself that I needed to achieve so back then I was an achievement addict. I was seeking to be very successful as a pastor and as a professor and I began to define success in very superficial ways. When I didn't achieve the success that I had set up in my mind that I needed to achieve I felt like a failure. And so the weird thing about being an achievement addict is that the bar gets higher and higher every time you reach a level of achievement you've got to achieve something else because it was seeking to meet some insatiable need within me to prove myself to other people. And so when I hit the wall in my career that's when I also realized that I needed some healing from within and I also saw how that sense of achievement to prove myself kind of spilled over onto my kids into forms of perfectionism like what I had into forms of performance where you know they begin to feel the need as I felt the need to perform because I had learned that the way that you get love is is through achievement, through performance, the way that you get attention, the way that you overcome shame is by achieving so that's when I really began to do the hard work going to that counselor and looking at myself and going through this chaotic process of healing, which is not easy but and it's work that I'm still doing by the way but that's when I first came face to face with the flaws that I think could have certainly hurt my children.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

How do you stay calm in the how do you stay calm how do you stay calm in the chaos with things?

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Yeah good luck with that it's hard it's very difficult. And by the way what I'm what I'm trying to express is that fathers don't have to be perfect right they don't have to be flawless but they do need to be faithful. They need to be self-aware and growing and so as they walk through the chaos of those teenage years remaining remaining calm is very difficult. And that's why it takes self-re regulation that's why it takes self-awareness because we've all had those moments when we feel rising up within us these emotions and so as men who are being formed and who are self-aware and hopefully maturing we've got to learn to label those emotions and express those emotions there's nothing wrong with certain emotions. In other words God has given us four valid human emotions

The Four Stages Of Fatherhood

SPEAKER_01 32:40

one is happiness the other one is fear it's okay to be happy it's actually valid to be afraid because fear helps us to avoid danger and it it it serves us well. Then sadness, you know, sadness is one that's a valid human emotion it's okay to be sad. We should grieve about some things and then the final one is anger believe it or not anger is a valid human emotion but it's to be expressed properly. And so we need to learn as mature men how to express anger in that chaos in ways that actually build up and don't destroy and that's the biggest thing. I think one of the major struggles of men and fathers is they deal with anger and that anger that anger can be very volatile and they've got to get control of it. So how do you do it? Well you've got to become self-aware you've got to find power within yourself within your relationship with God to be able to overcome being out of control expressing valid emotions but expressing those emotions in a valid way.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

You've identified seven commitments that define a father friend what are they and what which one do you most dad struggle to keep?

SPEAKER_01 34:01

Okay. Yeah so in my book I outlined these seven commitments that if you are choosing to be a father friend you have to be all in you have to make these commitments of your will so being a father friend is not just a nice thought it takes the intention of your will so I've outlined seven of those I'll read them for you but the first commitment a father friend must make is I will choose self-awareness over self-protection. We've already talked about that some number two I will break the cycle that's the commitment I'm going to pass on to my children something better than what was passed on to me. Number three, I will build positive emotional memory. Our kids won't remember everything we we say, but they will remember how we made them feel and so the ideal here is that I will show up in a way that builds positive emotional memory for my kids so that when they leave the home, they'll look back and they say, I know that my dad loved me, cared for me and leaned in to help me be the person that he wanted me to be. Number four is I will parent with the end in mind, which means I'm willing to make tough decisions now in order to reach the end goal of being that father friend to my kids. Number five is I will embrace both authority and affection we've talked about the balance of those two things and being a father friend. Number six, I will stay teachable that's very important. I will I'm making a commitment that I will continue to grow. I'll grow from other dads through scripture even through my kids I will I will learn and I will grow and then number seven is I will keep showing up even when I've blown it even when I've made mistakes even when I uh you know I I feel at my worst the most powerful thing I can offer my children is my presence and I will keep showing up to be there with them. So I would say that all seven of those are obviously important but the one that I think men struggle with the most is still that first one. It's it's about being self-aware and choosing you know safety over the courage of looking at themselves and seeing okay how am I wired? What what am I comfortable giving my children? And then how do I need to grow and change in order to give my children what they need and make sure that I'm not passing down to them something that may be broken. I think that's the most difficult one for fathers.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

For the dad listening right now who feels like he's drifting and lacking direction what do you say to him?

SPEAKER_01 36:43

I think what dads deal with so often are competing priorities. I've looked at recent surveys that said 78% of dads feel like they want to spend more time with their kids than they do. 68% believe that they've missed important milestones in their child's life that they should have been at so I think fathers struggle with managing time and priorities we all work we have to work but I think we also again in the attitude of being self-aware we have to ask ourselves okay what's driving my need here for more money more prestige in my work and asking the hard question I know we all have to work we all have to do it we can't always be at everything for our kids but when push comes to shove fathers need to be there for their kids at the moments that matter the most and so they have to ask themselves okay do I really need to take on this new project at work? Do I have to what's so important about this promotion? Do I really need this promotion? How much money is enough? Those kinds of things because there's this window of opportunity and developmental researchers tell us there's only about a 10 year window to make our most lasting impact. In fact 90% of the time that we will spend with our kids takes place before the age of 13. That means 90% of the time we have with our kids takes place before age 13 compared to the rest of their lives. So it's a very important window and we have to make sacrifices now in order to make the most impact now and that means giving up some things that maybe we actually enjoy or would actually be good. But the ideal here is that I've got to be present for my kids because providing for my kids is a good thing, but it's not the most important thing. So sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more. And there are trade-offs. You always pay a price for what you value that's just true in life. So fathers have to be willing to make that sacrifice of making their kids most important which means being there for them in critical moments where in the end a child really believes hey when push came to shove I was the most important thing to my father and that is only displayed when we sacrifice in ways that that show them that very thing.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

And we get really end here I always like to ask my guest to give a word of encouragement to my audience especially the the fathers that will be listening.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Yeah well I think you've got a great podcast here and I know your goal is to encourage people in your audience and that's what I would do so

Commitments, Priorities, And Closing Charge

SPEAKER_01 39:40

many times communication like this feels um you know like guilt peddling and that's not my intent at all. My intent is to equip dads so that they know what to do to empower dads so they feel like they can do it and then to encourage them so that they are inspired to do it. My goal is to encourage dads to help them to know that what they're doing is really, really important and in a world that tends to dismiss fatherhood as just an afterthought it's not an afterthought it's very important. And by the way it's the most rewarding thing that you can experience in your life if you have children and that is being a good being so if you're a dad out there I want you to be encouraged you can do it you can break the cycle you can give your kids something better than than what was given to you and you can manage your priorities in such a way that you can push into being the best father that you can be. It won't be perfect and there's no such thing as a perfect father but you can be faithful and you can have presence in your kids life and that's what I want to encourage you with today is just to make sure that this window of opportunity that you have is not is not Amen.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Well Dr.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

Mike thank you so much for coming on the show today we greatly appreciate having you Dorsey thank you so much I've enjoyed the time with you and I hope to speak to you again at some point that'll be great.

SPEAKER_02 41:15

Guys and girls thank you so much for coming on and for listening please go and check out um Dr. Mike's information I'll have all of it on the um on the show notes. Please go and subscribe to this podcast on all podcast platforms you can get all the updates to the um podcast and all new episodes released and please subscribe and support the podcast as well by sharing and even by donating if that's what you want to do. And I hope you have a great day and until next time God bless bye bye thank you yeah that's a wrap for today's episode of the Dorsey Ross Show.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Thank you so much to our guests for sharing such a powerful story of faith perseverance and God's amazing grace. If this episode encouraged you encourage someone else share it with a friend leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can find more episodes and ways to connect at www.dorcyroshow.com and if you'd like to support the podcast check out the links on the show notes or on Dorsey's social media. Remember, no trial is too big for God's love and your story can point others to him. Until next time keep trusting keep sharing and keep shining for Jesus God bless you